Twilight AIM
by xXMissJasperHalexX
Summary: Ya well it might not be as funny as some others but hey plz no flames R&R!
1. Kansas and Snakes

ShopaholicXD: Alice

Dance_Biscuts: Jasper (don't ask XD)

TeddiesRMe: Emmett

SexayBeeotch: Rosalie

DoctaSparkly: Carlisle

YoMomma: Esme

Wolfie: Jacob

MezIzHot: Edward

MissKlutz: Bella

(ShopaholicXD has entered the room)

(Dance_Biscuts has entered the room)

ShopaholicXD: JAZZY JAZZ!

Dance_Biscuts: Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo

ShopaholicXD:…Lets go to Kansas.

Dance_Biscuts: Say what?

ShopaholicXD: I just watched a movie where this chick was in Kansas but then like an effin tornado came and she got blown away to this place with elfie peoples and I was like, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Dance_Biscuts:… lets just go make out.

ShopaholicXD: OKAYYYYYYYYYY!

(Dance_Biscuts has left the room)

(ShopaholicXD has left the room)

(TeddiesRME has entered the room)

(SexayBeeotch has entered the room)

TeddiesRMe: ROSE! GUESS WAT?!?!?

SexayBeeotch: What, Teddy?

TeddiesRMe: I BOUGHT A SNAKE!

SexayBeeotch: YOU WHAT?!?!?

TeddiesRMe: I BOUGHT A SNAKE! HIS NAME IS SLITHERS…

SexayBeeotch: WTF?!? WHY DID U BUY AN EFFIN SNAKE!?!?

TeddiesRMe:…why are you so mad? **cry** YOU ARE A MEAN PERSON! **sits in front of T.V** IM GOING TO WATCH BARNEY!

SexayBeeotch: NOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT BARNEY! **dives in front of Emmett to save in from T.V.**

TeddiesRMe: oooh….Rose, ya making me feelz horny XD

SexayBeeotch: oh lala…

(SexayBeeotch has left the room)

(TeddiesRMe has left the room)


	2. RAPE!

ShopaholicXD: Alice

Dance_Biscuts: Jasper (don't ask XD)

TeddiesRMe: Emmett

SexayBeeotch: Rosalie

DoctaSparkly: Carlisle

YoMomma: Esme

Wolfie: Jacob

MezIzHot: Edward

MissKlutz: Bella

(MezIzHot has entered the room)

(MissKlutz has entered the room)

MezIzHot: BELLA!

MissKlutz:erm…hi?

MezIzHot: **glomps Bella**

MissKlutz: AHHH! RAPE RAPE RAPE!!!!

MezIzHot: Wat? Bella, I'm just trying to hug you!

MissKlutz: RAPE RAPE RAPE!!!!!!! **assumes fetal position**

(DoctaSparkly has entered the room)

DoctaSparkly: EDWARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BELLA?!?!

MezIzHot: Nothing! I just wanted to hug her!

MissKlutz: rape…rape…

(Dance_Biscuts ha entered the room)

Dance_Biscuts:…

MizzKlutz: JASPER! EDWARD'S GOING TO RAPE ME!!!!!!!!!

MezIzHot: No I'm not! Bella, I just tried to hug you!

DoctaSparkly: Edward! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT RAPING GIRLS?!?!

Dance_Biscuts: …Carlisle had a talk with you about raping girls?! ROTFL!!!!!!!

MezIzHot:…yeah thanks Carlisle…

(DoctaSparkly has left the room)

Dance_Biscuts:…o….m….g….HAHAHAHAHA! ROTFL!!!!!!!

MissKlutz: rape….rape….

MezIzHot: BELLA I JUST TRIED TO EFFIN HUG YOU!

MissKlutz:…I know! I was kidding!

MezIzHot:you…what?!

MissKlutz: I took an acting class with Alice when we were out the other day!

MezIzHot:…*hyperventilation*

MissKlutz: But wait…Carlisle had a talk with you about raping girls?

(MezIzHot has left the room)

MissKlutz: WAIT A MINUTE! COME BACK, EDWARD CULLEN!

(MissKlutz has left the room)

Dance_Biscuts:…O….M….G….I SO HAVE TO TELL ALICE…

(Dance_Biscuts has left the room)


	3. Smoothies

ShopaholicXD: Alice

Dance_Biscuits: Jasper (don't ask XD)

TeddiesRMe: Emmett

SexayBeeotch: Rosalie

DoctaSparkly: Carlisle

YoMomma: Esme

Wolfie: Jacob

MezIzHot: Edward

MissKlutz: Bella

(MezIzHot has entered the room)

MezIzHot: Grrrr…

MissKlutz: Twinkie, what's wrong?

MezIzHot:…I feel very moody right now, ButterBiscuits.

DoctaSparkly:…Edward are you on your period? Because I just want to say, that is not medically possible. Unless…you are a girl…

MissKlutz: (GASPS) IVE BEEN DATING A GIRL ALL ALONG?! IM A LESBO?!?!?

MezIzHot: NO! I'm NOT A GIRL, ButterBiscuit!

(TeddiesRMe has entered the room)

TeddiesRMe:…WTF is a ButterBiscuit?

MissKlutz: Its what Edward calls me…cuz I BUTTER HIS BISCUITS!

DoctaSparkly:…(cricket sounds)…

MezIzHot: Bella, love, did you have to share that with everyone?

TeddiesRMe:…If Bella butters Edward's biscuits, think abt what Rosalie does to me…

(GROUP SHUDDER)

TeddiesRMe: Hehehehe…

MezIzHot: AHHHH! (breaks chair)

(ShopaholicXD has entered the room)

ShopaholicXD:…Edward are u on ur period again?

MezIzHot: Grrrr…

ShopaholicXD: I'll take that as a yes.

MissKlutz: ALICE GUESS WHAT I BUTTER EDWARDS BISCUITS!

ShopaholicXD: I drink Jasper's smoothie.

(AWKWARD SILENCE)

(Dance_Biscuits has entered the room)

ShopaholicXD: JAZZY JAZZ! IM THIRSTY FOR YOUR SMOOTHIE!

Dance_Biscuits: C'mon babe, we'll go to the Smoothie Shop…

(Dance_Biscuits has left the room)

(ShopaholicXD has left the room)

MezIzHot:…yet another reason why Alice and Jasper r so weird.

(YoMomma has entered the room)

YoMomma: Oh Carlisle…I'm in ur study…

DoctaSparkly: HOT DAMN!

(DoctaSparkly has left the room)

(YoMomma has left the room)

MissKlutz:…(shudders)…

TeddiesRMe:…oh would you look at that?! Noon already?! Its SEX TIME WITH ROSALIE!

(TeddiesRMe has left the room)

MezIzHot: WHY IS EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY OBSESSED WITH SEX?!

MissKlutz:…I'm in my room Edward…

MezIzHot: I'm coming.

(MezIzHot has left the room)

(MissKlutz has left the room)


	4. The WalMart Adventure

(Dance_Biscuits has entered the room)

(TeddiesRMe has entered the room)

(MezIzHot has entered the room)

TeddiesRMe: Damn Jasper…that was FUN!

Dance_Biscuits: Hell yeah! It was awesome!

MezIzHot:…Oh dear. Have you played one of your many childish and stupid pranks again?

TeddiesRMe: Mayyyyyyybe…

Dance_Biscuits: IT WAS ON THAT GUY WHO KEPT STARING AT ALICE LAST TIME WE WENT TO WALMART! (growls)

MezIzHot: Oh fiddlesticks.

TeddiesRMe: Well, Jazz here wanted revenge…so we went to Walmart…(evil grin)

MezIzHot: This cannot be good.

Dance_Biscuits: So we found him…all alone in the condom aisle…

TeddiesRMe: And we saw him and threw a box of condoms at him. You know, the crappy kind that always breaks.

Dance_Biscuits: And he totally SPAZZED! We didn't even mean to hurt him but he fall to the floor and SPAZZED OUT LIKE BELLA DID IN THE BALLET STUDIO WHEN JAMES ATTACKED HER!

(MissKlutz has entered the room)

MissKlutz: I heard that.

(MissKlutz has left the room)

Dance_Biscuits: O_o

TeddiesRMe: AnYwAyZ…this old lady saw him and totally flipped out! She ran over to do CPR on him and I TRIPPED HER!

MezIzHot: You are not supposed to trip little old ladies, Emmett.

Dance_Biscuits: She wasn't little, Edward. She could've been HULK HOGAN!

TeddiesRMe: I didn't mean to trip her…my leg spazzed and flew out in front of her at the wrong moment.

MezIzHot: Oh, Emmett with your spazzing leg issues…

Dance_Biscuits: Anyway, the old lady fell onto a box of condoms and one got stuck to her nose!

TeddiesRMe: So she had this condom stuck to her nose and the guy was spazzing out onto the floor…

Dance_Biscuits: So me and Emmett went up to this cashier and said, "Code Yellow in the condom aisle. Little old lady humping a teenager." YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIS FACE!

TeddiesRMe: Then we ran the hell out of there because some idiot had called the cops and they were surrounding Walmart.

MezIzHot: Hmmm… think I saw that on the news…

Dance_Biscuits: Yup. The SWAT Team even showed up.

TeddiesRMe: Ahhh…good times…

MezIzHot: How riveting.

Dance_Biscuits: Edward…why are you talking so weird?

MezIzHot: I am getting in touch with my more…gentlemen side.

TeddiesRMe: SLITHERS! Oh crap…

(TeddiesRMe has left the room)

MezIzHot: Oh bother. What has Emmett's snake done now?

Dance_Biscuits:…Ewww, Edward. That's perverted.

MezIzHot: Kindly shut your trap, Jasper Hale.

Dance_Biscuits: Well th- OH FLIPPERS!

(Dance_Biscuits has left the room)

MezIzHot: Well I am alone now…(starts to sing a song)

(MissKlutz has entered the room)

MissKlutz: Edward…don't move…

MezIzHot: Why ever not, l- (screams like a little girl) SLITHERS!

MissKlutz: Told you not to move, dumass.

MezIzHot: (continues screaming) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Dance_Biscuits has entered the room)

(TeddiesRMe has entered the room)

Dance_Biscuits: O…M…G…THAT WAS HILARIOUS!

TeddiesRMe: LOL YA!

MezIzHot:…(hyperventilation)…

MissKlutz: That really wasn't Slithers, Edward. It was a fake.

MezIzHot: So wait that was a fake snake crawling up my- OH GOD!

Dance_Biscuits: LMFAO!

TeddiesRMe: Ahhh…we are the ultimate pranksters, Jazz.

Dance_Biscuits: Amen to that! (virtual high five)

(MezIzHot has left the room)

MissKlutz: Awww, EddiePoo! Don't be mad!

(MissKlutz has left the room)

Dance_Biscuits: Wel, its time for me and Alice to piss Esme off and make out in the kitchen. See ya!

(Dance_Biscuits has left the room)

TeddiesRMe: SEX TIME WITH ROSALIE!

(TeddiesRMe has left the room)


	5. Screwing Keyboards and Pregnant People

(ShopaholicXD has entered the room)

(Dance_Biscuits has entered the room)

ShopaholicXD: JASPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *glomps*

Dance_Biscuits: Hola, senorita.

ShopaholicXD:…HOLA?! JASPER HAVE YOU BEEN OUT WITH THAT DAMN MARIA AGAIN?!? I KNEW HER DUMB CANADIANESS WOULD RUB ON OF YOU!

Dance_Biscuits:…Alice darlin' she's not from Canada. She's from Texas.

ShopaholicXd:…heehee. You're so sexy when you say DARLIN'…

Dance_Biscuits: ^o^

ShopaholicXD: Oh, so now you're hanging out with some freakin' JAPANESE CHICK WITH YOUR DUMB FORGIEN EYED SMILEY FACE!!

Dance_Biscuits: :'''(

ShopaholicXD: JAZZY WAZZY DON'T CRY! I LOVE YOU! *glomps again*

(Wolfie has entered the room)

Wolfie: !

ShopaholicXD: AHHH IT'S THE LETTERS FROM THE ASYLUM!

Dance_Biscuits:…letters?…

Wolfie: That was Quil's imprint. DAMN BABY SCREWING UP MA KEYBOARD!

Dance_Biscuits: Ha…she's SCREWING YOUR KEYBOARD…

ShopaholicXD: Jacob that isn't very nice. Nessie is a baby and she's your imprint.

Wolfie: Nessie doesn't screw up my keyboard. And she's so much cuter than Quil's imprint.

(MezIzHot has entered the room)

Dance_Biscuits: EDWARD YOUR DAUGHTER SCREWS KEYBOARDS!

MezIzHot:…JACOB WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING MY DAUGHTER?!??!

(MezIzHot has left the room)

Wolfie: :D

ShopaholicXD: Jazzy I want a baby…*tear*

Dance_Biscuits: Me too. But hey, we're not the only ones. Em and Rose can't have kids.

(SexayBeeotch has entered he room)

SexayBeeotch: EVERYONE GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I'M PREGNANT!

(SexayBeeotch has left the room)

ShopaholicXD *SOBS*

Dance_Biscuits:…well Carlisle and Esme can't have kids either!…

(DoctaSparkly has entered the room)

DoctaSparkly: ESME'S PREGNANT! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER SIBLING!

(DoctaSparkly has left the room)

Dance_Biscuits:…WTF?!? THEY'RE TOO OLD TO BE DOING THAT CRAP!

ShopaholicXD: *SOBS*

Dance_Biscuits: DON'T WORRY ALICE! WE WILL GO TO OUR BEDROOM AND WE WILL NOT COME OUT UNTIL YOU ARE KNOCKED UP!

ShopaholicXD: My hero…*swoon*

Wolfie: O_o

(Dance_Biscuits has left the room)

(ShopaholicXD has left the room)

Wolfie: GKAKSAXMBHKBKLCNDKGDGBSJKB!

(Wolfie has left the room)


	6. Why Hello There, Mr Salvatore!

Dance_Biscuits has entered the room)

(ShopaholicXD has entered the room)

(ShopaholicXD has changed her name to BabyMama7878)

Dance_Biscuits: NO. FREAKING. WAY.

BabyMama7878: YES. FREAKING. WAY.

(SmartAssVamp has entered the room)

Dance_Biscuits: I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!!!!!

SmartAssVamp: Ooh. Sucks for you. I can see why you're so pissed.

BabyMama7878: .

Dance_Biscuits: What?! No, I'm not pissed! I'M HAPPY!

SmartAssVamp: For now.

BabyMama7878: WTF?! I don't even know who you are!!!

Dance_Biscuits:…wait. WAIT A FREAKING SECOND.

BabyMama7878: …

SmartAssVamp: Don't strain yourself, Jasper.

Dance_Biscuits:…DAMON SALVATORE, IS THAT YOU???

SmartAssVamp: Why yes. Yes it is.

Dance_Biscuits: Holy crap it's been forever! Since…

SmartAssVamp: 1864.

Dance_Biscuits: YEAH!

BabyMama7878: I don't get it.

SmartAssVamp: Don't you be acting like Rosalie, Alice. You're smarter. *wink*

BabyMama7878: …JASPER I'M SCARED!

Dance_Biscuits: Oh take a chill pill Alice. So what's been up with you, Damon?

SmartAssVamp: Oh, the usual. Taking care of my baby brother.

Dance_Biscuits: Ah, yes. How is Stefan?

SmartAssVamp: Oh, you know. Still a freak.

BabyMama7878: …This is weird.

SmartAssVamp: You're mom is weird.

(YoMomma has entered the room)

YoMomma: WHO THE HELL JUST SAID THAT?!

SmartAssVamp: Alice did.

BabyMama7878: ????????

YoMomma: MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN HALE!

SmartAssVamp: Holy flannel shirt. What a mouthful.

(SexayBeeotch has entered the room)

SexayBeeotch: I heard that Damon was here…

SmartAssVamp: You're family is quite welcoming, Mrs. Cullen.

YoMomma: *blush* Why thank you, Damon…

BabyMama7878: I cannot believe this.

(BambiBlood has entered the room)

SexayBeeotch: Aww! Bambi is such a cute name!

BambiBlood: .

SmartAssVamp: He's far away from cute, my dear.

(TeddiesRMe has entered the room)

TeddiesRMe: WHO JUST CALLED MY WIFE HIS "DEAR"?!?!?!?

SmartAssVamp: Stefan did.

BambiBlood: Oh no.

TeddiesRMe: PREPARE TO DIE, SALVATORE!

(BambiBlood has left the room)

(TeddiesRMe has left the room)

SexayBeeotch: *sigh* I better go make sure Emmett doesn't accidentally crush him.

(SexayBeeotch has left the room)

YoMomma: well Damon, you know that you're welcome tp stay as long as you want, wherever you want. Even in our bedrooms, even in our beds, even in our-

Dance_Biscuits: Mom. Just go.

(YoMomma has left the room)

BabyMama7878: Well…ummm…I think I'll leave you two alone…to talk…

SmartAssVamp: Don't get lost.

Dance_Biscuits: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

SmartAssVamp: Wow. You sound like Stefan when he's alone with Elena. If you know what I mean. And I think you do, from looking at baby mama over here.

BabyMama7878: -_-

Dance_Biscuits: NHSUCYEIANHSJKUSNHCJKFEUNKASLUNDCHKDJFHCNLS! Come on, darlin'. Let's go BABY CLOTHES SHOPPING.

BabyMama7878: *giggle giggle* Ok, Jazzy.

(Dance_Biscuits has left the room)

BabyMama7878: Bye Bye, Mr. Salvatore!

(BabyMama7878 has left the room)

SmartAssVamp:…damn. This is messed up.

(BabyMama7878 has entered the room)

BabyMama7878: That's what she said.

(BabyMama7878 has left the room)

SmartAssVamp: O_o

A/N: WOO! THE SALVATORE BROTHERS FROM THE VAMPIRE DIARIES HAVE DECIDED TO JOIN US! WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE! (If you don't watch that show, you suck. Just sayin'.)


End file.
